Seven Ways To Cultivate An intentional Relationship With Technology
Are you a slave to your phone? Do you struggle to separate yourself from your computer? Are you forever ‘just glancing’ at social media? It’s tempting to blame the tech revolution for the far-reaching ways our lives have changed in the past two decades. We’re more connected than ever, but lonelier too. Our attention spans are now officially less than a goldfish’s because it’s the only way we can cope with the constant onslaught of information!
But here’s the truth...
Technology is not the problem. What’s more, we’re at the stage where we wouldn’t want to be without technology anyway. I don’t want to be tied to a specific geographical location anymore. I’m grateful for all the ways that tech has created opportunities for humans to be free.
The problem is that we’ve abused technology to the point where we’re allowed it to control our lives.
Where do we go from here?
I’ve always been one to challenge the norms, especially when I see there’s another way. We don’t have to accept the way technology controls our minds, invades our relationships and consumes our daily existence. Instead, with the guidance of intentionality, there is a way to integrate all the benefits of tech into our daily lives without suffering from the fallout of borderline addiction.
So if you’re ready to release the grip that tech has over you so that you can reclaim time and space, keep reading. I’m about to share the seven ways I interact with tech so I can be more present and live in the now.
But first, let’s dig into the dangers of unintentional tech.
We’ve not evolved fast enough!
You know the pop up you get on your phone, reminding you to upgrade your operating system? This happens when your phone functions less effectively because its hardware lacks the computing power of the latest technology.
When the rainbow wheel shows, you have a choice. You can:
Accept the slower pace and limited operating system, or
Upgrade your hardware.
As humans, our society didn’t get the ‘you need to upgrade’ memo when technology lept into our lives. In short, we haven’t evolved our operating systems to match where we’re at technologically. Our hard drives haven’t known how to keep up with the changes imposed on us by tech.
The impact is potentially devastating. Worst of all, we’re not conscious of all of the ramifications and side effects. We might wish things would “slow down”, but that’s not going to happen. Technology has evolved as a collective agreement to the point where it now controls how we communicate, make transactions, and exist in our current reality. Tech is an integral and necessary part of our lives now.
If we can’t change tech, the only thing we can do is change ourselves. Starting with the story we tell ourselves about the need for hyper-connectivity.
For example, have you noticed how you convince yourself that if your phone is off, you’ll miss something important? For example, the call to tell us that we got the promotion (and missing the call would mean the promotion will go away). Or the call that our child is sick and needs to come home from school (and there’s no other solution), or even more extreme - there’s been a death of one of our loved ones (and this is somehow our fault for not being available).
Wrapped up in this need to be always available is a story of self-importance where somehow we determine other people’s decisions and outcomes. We’ve also created a dependency on always being available and this can have severe consequences on our physical health. Most of our stress comes from events that never occur, in fact, 85% of what we worry about never happens (you can read more about this in this article by Don Joseph Goewey - author of ‘The End of Stress, Four Steps to Rewire Your Brain).
And there’s more!
We’re addicted to the dopamine rush we get from our virtual communities and connections. Dopamine is a powerful, but an unsustainable motivator, which generates an immediate sense of gratification before wearing off rapidly. Did you know this hit can be compared to the equivalent of a cocaine rush? Remember, tech companies pay the smartest scientists to figure out how to keep you on their platforms for longer by fuelling you with as many dopamine hits as possible. This is why your thumbs automatically jump around from app to app when you pick up your phone. It’s why you hit refresh on your email browser - just in case another email pops in. We crave these feelings of accomplishment, progress and affirmation and tech companies play on this.
But it’s not just dopamine that’s flooding our bodies.
At the same time, we’re activating the release of cortisol. Every time you check your email the body’s fight or flight response kicks in. This instinctive response hasn’t changed from the days when our stressors were sabre tooth tigers emerging from the jungle! When your life is in grave danger, you need to be able to run away or stand your ground. Even though modern-day threats, such as anticipating the next work issue, the results of a medical exam, grades, quotes for the remodel on our home, etc. don’t present an imminent danger, they still trigger our built-in alarm system. In turn, our adrenal glands make more cortisol and as a result a rise in heart rate and blood pressure.
So what’s the solution?
Here are seven simple ways I’ve embodied to create a healthier, more intentional relationship with tech and the virtual world:
1. The cyber sabbath - take 24 hours off ALL technology
By turning off technology we become more in tune with our yin (feminine, grounding earth energy) and our intuitive heart. You will create a space to become one with yourself and tune into your true essence without being defined by social media or outside influences. Just 24 hours in this state will give you a fresh reset. You’ll be surprised how much you value the quiet and stillness this break creates. It’s important to prepare your return to the tech world. Consciously choose the time when you’ll turn the phone/computer/WiFi back on - making sure you’re in a calm state.
2. Do not go online first thing in the morning - and definitely not from your bed!
Do you REALLY need to check email first thing in the morning? As soon as you check tech you give away your power and put yourself in a reactionary mindset. You allow your day to be dictated by someone else’s opinions, priorities, and needs. Be diligent and make sure you have time for yourself in the mornings. You create new neurons overnight, and they need a positive feeding ground. Your mornings are prime time for meditation, breathwork, journaling or reading positive literature. Oftentimes I hear the story of ‘I don’t have the time,’ but I’m here to tell you that you don't have the time not to! People who are disciplined with a conscious, intentional morning routine are more productive and create more time in their days.
3. Evening routines - wind down from the day
Something I've been testing a lot is how technology affects my sleep. My practice-based evidence shows that more important than the amount of sleep is the quality of sleep I’m getting. Technology and screens activate our beta brain waves, which is where high drive and high thinking happens. We need to wind down from beta to alpha, theta and ideally get into a delta state for deep sleep. One of the worst things you can do is watch TV before bed as this will influence your subconscious dreaming state. Since I’ve nearly eradicated this practice I now consistently have nightmares if I do watch a movie or show before bed! Make it your goal to start to reduce your screen time. Ideally, switch off two hours before bed - one hour at the least. Anything less has drastic consequences on your body’s natural rhythm. Studies show how blue light from LED devices holds back the body’s production of melatonin and negatively impacts our natural circadian rhythm. Blue blocking glasses may help minimize this effect, but an even better solution is to decrease screen time, set devices to night mode, and turn off push notifications.
4. Set virtual boundaries
The ‘always-on’ societal norms we’ve set around immediacy in response and 24/7 availability have become a toxic source of stress and are negatively impacting our productivity and well-being. Start making it a routine to check email on your terms. One suggested way to do this is a mid-morning and mid-afternoon check, and ideally, minimize it to a once-a-day practice. This will recalibrate your life by giving you more time, less cortisol and helping you prioritize your task list. You can set the expectation for your response time by putting up an away message letting people know your hours/routine. This will decrease the addictive nature of needing to know what's going on at every moment and the effect can be empowering for your teams/coworkers/networks to take on more. It might even encourage people to pick up the phone and give you a call, which is oftentimes way more efficient.
5. Say no to tech at the dinner table
When with friends, just say no to tech! Have you noticed how contagious it is when one person looks at their phone, and all of a sudden the entire table is doing the same? And do you also notice how people completely tune you out when they’re looking down at their phone? Make it a practice to have NO phones at the table. Out of sight is out of mind! Even when a phone is face down at the table the temptation is too strong. Ask friends to put phones away as soon as you sit down for a meal, tea/coffee or any social gathering - you can state it as a fun challenge to stay in the present moment. At my house, I’ve made it a practice to ask people to put their phones in the coat closet for the time they’re visiting. This will definitely bring up discomfort for people at first, but most are willing to honor my challenge. If they really need to use a phone I ask them to go outside or to a private room and this typically makes people second guess the importance of their checking in.
6. Change your beliefs
I reference what I call the closed feedback loop in nearly all of my teachings. This is a beliefs-thoughts-behaviors-feelings cycle where our thoughts drive our behaviors, and these behaviors influence our feelings, which then reinforce our beliefs. This loop is especially prevalent with the social media influences that are now driving many of our belief systems and making us feel a certain way through marketing and strategic algorithms. A lot of our thoughts are not actually OUR thoughts, they are coming from what we are consuming and are a product of what other people are putting out to the world. The algorithms are solely focused on furthering our online engagement and are getting us to see things that may be irrelevant, false and have the dangerous power of influencing our feelings into potentially harmful belief systems. We need to be intentional about what we see on our social feeds - much like we limit the intake for young kids, you need to limit what you are exposed to. Do a social cleanse and follow positive influencers and people/causes that hold your same values and inspire you. We know that social media can be a valuable asset for business and personal networking, so make sure it is a beneficial influence in your life and is encouraging positive thoughts. And remember - be intentional about your social media use, eradicate that mindless scrolling!
7. Integrate intentional living practices into your day
Many of us have switched to technology and apps to streamline our life. Journaling, reading and even personal connection (Zoom dates) have replaced some of our healthy routines. Although many of these systems are extremely innovative, rethink where you may be potentially replacing their benefits for convenience. For example, there’s a powerful connection when you put pen to paper in a journaling practice, rather than typing it on a phone or computer. This is a simple way to jump-start a reduction in tech time and get back to the basics! Schedule regular breaks in your virtual days to rest your eyes, engage in some movement, get some fresh air and time in nature, and have a mindful coffee/tea date with a friend or yourself, and leave the phone behind!
If you’d like more ideas for intentional living, download my free guide.
By being so consumed with technology we often miss out on the magic happening right before our eyes. I greatly value the benefits of technology and virtual connection, likewise, it’s imperative that we’re aware of the negative impacts of its addictive nature. It’s vitally important that we’re intentional with our use and consumption. By integrating a few of these changes we can collectively create a new standard, and rather than focusing on increasing our WiFi speed, we will enhance our human connection!
